Many of us worry we aren’t a good mom a million times through the years.
I have been a mom for over 22 years. Every stage of a child’s life has it’s blessings and it’s challenges.
How we choose to deal with the challenges can make a big difference in the outcome and our emotional state. We can choose to make these situations valuable learning lessons or allow it to throw us into anxiety and overwhelm.
Hormones can affect our perspective, we need to be sensitive to that. Make sure you reach out for help if you feel it is overwhelming and need immediate attention.
What I learned as a new mom (and continue to remind myself):
- Everyone has an opinion. I have the right to politely take it or leave it.
- I know what is right for my family, even if it is different from what others do.
- I will screw up . . . . millions of times.
- I am human and it’s ok to not know or have all the answers.
- Sometimes we grow along side our children, we just have to be more mature about it.
- Once we think we have a handle on things, it all changes.
- Our children are watching us at every moment.
Instead of believing that I am a bad mom because I do things differently, or because my child does things differently, I will choose to accept that this is our journey. Our learning experience. It may be easier said than done . . . . but maybe it isn’t.
What We Focus on
I noticed when I focused on all that is going wrong, or that I have doubts about, the worry can multiply. Like a pot of hot water, gradually the bubbling will increase until the water bubbles over the top. Anxiety and overwhelm becomes the focus and not ideas or solutions on how to change my beliefs about the situation.
I’m not saying it’s easy to think positive thoughts when you are knee deep in poopie diapers and sleep deprived. Or when your teen starts driving and you are focused on all the worst case scenarios.
What if we could change our focus in a heart beat?
EFT is a simple solution to help us when we are overwhelmed by our doubt about our ability to be a good mom.
Tapping can help us to gain clarity on the situation. It can help us to see things in a new light while allowing us to let go of the anxiety we feel.
We can choose to focus on all the things we have messed up, or we can choose to focus on what we have done well and how we can do better. It’s all about learning how to do better.
Wondering what EFT is? Learn what tapping is and how to do it.
Tapping is an amazing tool that is simple, easy to use, and can be life changing.
Instead of focusing on how we have fallen short as a mom, or feeling stuck in a situation, we can tap to interrupt those negative thoughts. Replaying negative thoughts about how we have failed, or how sad we are about our circumstances, is just another form of meditation. A negative form of meditation. Interrupt the pattern.
You can do that by using the EFT script below:
“Changing My Focus” TAPPING SCRIPT
Karate Chop: (Set-up Statement)
- Even though I feel like a complete failure, I deeply love and accept myself.
- Even though I am not sure I am a good mom, I deeply love and accept myself.
- Even though I don’t know how I can change my thoughts and frustration, I deeply and completely love and accept who I am right now.
I am sad that I feel this way about being a mom.
Side of Eye:
How can I feel this way when I should be happy about being a mom?
I have so much guilt, feeling that I should be able to handle all of this.
Sometimes I feel alone and have no where else to turn.
I really don’t want my children to see me like this.
I don’t like the way I feel, I shouldn’t feel this way.
I had so many dreams about what being a mom would feel like.
Top of Head:
And this isn’t it.
I want to focus on something more positive.
Side of Eye:
I can choose to accept that I don’t need to know everything about being a mom and parenting.
I can still be a good mom and parent and be clueless at times.
Instead of focusing on where I fall short, I will focus on how well I can love my child.
Even if I didn’t have the best example of what good parenting is,
I can still be an awesome mom, I just need to give myself grace.
I can learn as I go, there aren’t any set rules, and I’m probably doing better than I think I am.
Top of head:
I can change my focus and choose to let go of the worry and stress about being a bad mom. I may not be perfect, but I am doing my best. Every day gets better and better.
Take a deep breath.
- Check your rating again. Where are you on the 0-10 scale?
- If you aren’t at a 3 or below, do another round.
- You can change up the wording, making even more personal to you.
- Check your rating again.
I never understood why it is difficult for us moms to tell others that we need help or that we aren’t feeling like ourselves.
It’s ok to ask for help and support. Sucking it up doesn’t make us a stronger woman or a better mom. Reaching out for help can help us to feel more confident and supported.
I did this a couple years ago with a tough situation. It changed my life.
If I could give you a suggestion worth gold, it would be to stop comparing yourself to others and believing that you are supposed to be someone different.
You are a good mom. Tap to get clarity on specific reasons you are doubting yourself. Keep tapping to remind yourself that you are enough and things will keep getting better.
Let go of that control and let peace wash over you.
Anytime you feel you are doubting your abilities as a mom, and looking to release the feeling of being a bad mom, don’t believe the lies you keep telling yourself, just start tapping – and keep tapping everyday.
I believe in you.
Love – Coach Angela